I’ve Got My Eye on You!

O LORD, You have examined me and know me.
When I sit down or stand up You know it;
You discern my thoughts from afar.
You ... are familiar with all my ways.


The Psalmist’s faith in the all-knowing nature of God is both reassuring and disconcerting. While it is comforting to be reminded that we are thoroughly known by God, inside and out, it can also be disturbing.

Forty-five years of marriage with my wife was made special one day by her remark, “living with you, I wake up with a stranger every morning.” That was probably one of the most loving things I ever heard from anyone. Since I was discovering the same thing about myself, it was comforting and gratifying to know this life I was unfolding was under scrutiny and valued by another. After all, why bother to examine something that had no worth at all?

The Psalmist is asserting that God is searching and examining us with the same kind of diligence, not to take note of all our imperfections, but to discern the fascinating evolution of human lives that are constantly in the process of growth and change. That is the privilege and wonder of love.

One might say God has to love us. Like any parent, it’s required. Well, maybe so, but love demanded, esteem that is compulsory, praise taken for granted sounds like a pretty cheap commodity. I prefer to think of God as the loving one, eternally fascinated, vigilantly watching for some new manifestation of creativity and worth in us.

I recall another examination that jolted me. It came in a sigh and a look, that spoke louder than words. The examiner was a professor, disappointed by my poor performance on an assignment. Her look spoke volumes: “You can do so much better than this, I wish I knew how to get you to do it.”

It took a while for me to dare to believe that word and test my own capabilities, just as it seems to take we human beings a long time to hear that same affirmation from an all-knowing, all loving God. We might refuse to believe God’s daring expectation of us. We may even try to hide in that old excuse, “Boy have I got you fooled, Lord.” The Psalmist was right. God knows us better than that.

The God who sees and knows us is the God who cares and loves. This God is the greatest friend we’ll ever have. The Psalmist may have wished he could hide, could be invisible, could escape the scrutiny of God. But he remembered something else. The scrutiny of God is the work of love.

That’s why he could earnestly pray, “Search me and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wickedness in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Limping toward Glory

Jacob called the place Peniel, saying
“For I have seen God face to face
and yet my life is preserved.”
The sun rose on him ... limping”
Genesis 32:30-31


Jacob may have had his faults, don’t we all? I know I do. But he did know what to do when put to the test. He held on.
Granted, that’s a risky virtue. I remember one fellow admitting shame-facedly that he was a coward. He hated fighting because he didn’t like getting hurt. His friend replied ruefully, “I don’t know if that makes you a coward but I can think of a few fights I wish I’d walked away from.”

Jacob didn’t walk away from his wrestling match with that angel, or some kind of heavenly being. “Let me go,” the stranger pleaded. “Not until you bless me” Jacob replied. The wrestling bout left Jacob lame, so that he limped the rest of his life, but he got his blessing - a new name: Israel, a name that would live on to the present day.

There are some wrestling matches that are life-transforming. The battle the recovering alcoholic has with his addiction is a clear example. Life without booze may seem insignificant to those who have not succumbed to the tyranny of alcohol. However, for one who has gone down that road, sobriety is hard-won, and the scars last a life-time. Sober life is a new-found blessing, but it’s also a pronounced limp, especially in a society and a culture that places such a high priority on drinking.

I suspect we all have our demons (or angels!) to wrestle. The teenager up against peer pressure. The GLBT person seeking acceptance and the deepest level of all, self-acceptance. The victim of physical or sexual abuse. And the perpetrators, caught in a compulsive behavior they believe they are helpless to control.

“Let me go!” the stranger demands, “it’s almost daylight.” Yes. The light is coming. I will be exposed. But Jacob held on. Damn the exposure, and damn the shame. I must have my blessing.

We can claim a blessing too. Not necessarily one we wanted. It may not look so attractive at first sight. And no one can predict the ultimate outcome.

This much we do know: we may limp, but we will be limping in the sunlight. There is blessing if we can just hold on.